Vince Lane
Private Client Director
Leaving home is likely to be an exciting time full of hope and expectation for your children, whether they are off to university, joining the workforce, or travelling the world.
But for you, seeing the last of your brood packing up and moving out can trigger feelings of emptiness or loneliness, and may leave you questioning your sense of purpose in the next phase of your life.
After years of wanting just an extra hour in bed on the weekends or some free time for yourself each week, you finally have it. So, shouldn’t you feel better?
If such thoughts and feelings sound familiar to you, you may be experiencing a psychological phenomenon known as “empty-nest” syndrome – and you are not alone.
The Independent reports that 47% of British parents fret about having an empty nest once their children start university and 94% say they are not ready for the enforced peace and quiet.
Read on to discover six practical ways to tackle empty-nest syndrome.
1. (Re)discover your passions
Caring for children can feel like it becomes your entire purpose when you have them.
But during your child-rearing years, you may have left behind passions you previously had that also once felt like they gave your life meaning.
You now have the time to reconnect with your interests and touch base with the things that feel truly purposeful to you.
If you never felt like you discovered what you were passionate about, then now is the perfect time to do it.
So, whether it’s picking up an instrument, learning a new language, joining a theatre group, or anything else that has always intrigued you but you have yet to explore, then jump into it and see where it takes you!
2. Focus on self-care
Looking after children and the family home can leave you little time to look after yourself. Though you may have found ways to keep fit during your years of parenting, you now have the time to focus and indulge in some real self-care.
Going for regular swims, bike rides, or walks, strength training, attending gym classes, and dancing, are all great ways to keep fit and active. Activities such as Pilates, yoga, and deep stretching are particularly important as you age as they help to keep your joints flexible and mobile.
Self-care could also include cooking healthy meals with fresh produce. And with a bit more time to spare, you can find the local markets and specialist shops with the ingredients you need to make your food both delicious and nutritious.
Keeping healthy and looking after yourself could have the added benefit of improving your mood if empty-nest syndrome is getting you down. It also means you will feel less guilty when you indulge yourself with a meal out, a few glasses of wine, or an extra helping of dessert.
3. Build your social network
There are probably many other parents in your situation in the local area. You may know some of them already.
Once your nest is empty, you will likely have more free evenings to enjoy going to dinner parties, hosting others, or meeting up with friends.
If you feel isolated and don’t know many people in your community, you might consider joining a local group or starting classes of some form to meet like-minded people.
4. Make exciting plans
It’s always a good idea to have something on the horizon that you are looking forward to and feel excited about, and the world is now your oyster.
You could book the holiday of your dreams, plan a short getaway, or even just put a date in the diary to go and visit your children.
Your plans don’t have to be big and grandiose (though they certainly can be), they just need to be something that leaves you feeling excited when you think about it.
5. Note down any triggers
You may find that you go through long periods of feeling content in your new-found freedom, but then suddenly something throws you, and before you know it, those feelings of loneliness and purposelessness have returned.
If this is the case, try to note down any triggers that set you off. It could be watching a certain TV programme, listening to a type of music, or walking past a family photograph.
Whatever your triggers may be, recognising them is the first step to beating them.
Once you are familiar with what they are, keep an eye out for them so you can prepare yourself for the emotions they bring.
You could also try and avoid your triggers as much as you can, though this may not be possible if they are something you encounter regularly. So, a better approach is to confront them and remind yourself of how you felt fine before the trigger came along and how you will feel fine again soon.
6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
If you are struggling to overcome the emotional challenges brought about by empty-nest syndrome, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.
Talking to your partner, friends, your parents, or a therapist could be really valuable and help you recognise that what you’re experiencing is a normal part of life.
Whether it’s finishing university and joining the adult world, having babies, or seeing your children leave home, every new phase in life can be scary and anxiety-inducing.
But as you continue to grow and evolve, try to find strength in embracing these transitions, knowing that each new chapter offers unique opportunities for learning, growth, and fulfilment.
